Introspections on this Holy Tuesday

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At around 3:00AM, Philippine Standard Time, my dad woke up then prayed the Rosary, then slept again.  I was aware of this, but not so much.

At around 6:00AM, Philippine Standard Time, I woke up to find out this:

The fire at Notre Dame, a Catholic icon, was made even more heartbreaking by the timing

It's so uncanny that dad prayed the Rosary at three in the morning while the majestic Cathedral that could be viewed by the Seine was ablaze.  The fire started earlier, but around that time, the heartbreaking news already went viral all over the world.

Paris is one of my favourite cities in the world.  No, I don't have digital photos of Notre Dame de Paris on file, unlike most of my friends who love Paris like me.  My digital photos of Paris are very limited.  

I have fond memories of France.  Yes, there was one time that I sprained my ankle going to the Galeries Lafayette, but during that time too I felt the love and care of my mom who was most of the time bickering during that trip.  

🌐

Oh, and without much coverage from big time news sources:

JERUSALEM'S AL-AQSA MOSQUE FIRE BURNS AT THE SAME TIME AS FLAMES ENGULF NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL IN PARIS

What a sad, sad day...

Thankfully there was some great news:

• The Great Organ of Notre Dame SAVED after devastating fire
• Here's what was saved — and what was lost — in the Notre Dame fire

Something to ponder about:

Reaction of the rich to the Notre Dame fire teaches us a lot about the world we live in

🌴🌴🌴

Earlier today we were able to watch Mike Enriquez's dialogue with Fr. Ariston L. Sison, Jr.

Fr. Aris reminded us about this/these things:

Pope Francis : the best fasting:

“I recommend the following as better fasting during this Lent:

• Fast on offensive words and transmit only sweet and tender words
• Fast on dissatisfaction and fill yourself with gratitude
• Fast on anger and fill yourself with meekness and patience
• Fast on pessimism and be filled with optimism
• Fast on worries and be filled with confidence in God
• Fast on laments and take pleasure in the simply things of life
• Fast on stress and fill yourself with prayer
• Fast on sadness and bitterness, and fill your heart with joy
• Fast on selfishness, and be filled with compassion for others
• Fast on unforgiveness and vendettas, and be filled with acts of reconciliation and forgiveness
• Fast on words and fill yourself and readiness to listen to others

If we all practice this style of fasting, our everyday reality will be filled with peace, joy, and trust in each other, and life.

So be it.”

Pope Francis - Lent 2017

Fr. Aris and Mike Enriquez were so fun to watch and listen to, but even with their jokes and playful banters, they made sense.  If I didn't know before, it was great to learn that Mr. Enriquez wanted to be a Priest in the Franciscan Order(I don't remember if the details were mentioned in the program, but I did read his Wikipedia page after), but his parents refused to sign the consent form for him to stay in the seminary.

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Someone I looked up to like a Big Sister(obviously not Ate Carol) blocked me.  It didn't come as a big surprise, but somehow I feel empty.

So this is how it feels...  I thought the feeling would be like I was free like a soaring eagle or something.  I never blocked her, and  I kept her on my friends list, but I stopped communicating with her.

Maybe she got tired of waiting for me.  Besides, I didn't even say goodbye, and I'm not even French.

She communicated with me when my nephew, Mico, died, and told me she missed me, then that was it.

I saw her appearing every now and then on FB recently.  She would make comments on our mutual friends' posts, which I never did see in the past.  For one reason or another she was very visible these past few months, giving advices here and there, saying a comforting word or two.

When I see those comments, I would make sure not to comment, then I would check on other people.

During our last time together we had so much fun.  We spent the whole day together, and I was even able to witness how good she was as a Radio Host/DJ.  One of her colleagues got interested in me(a former news anchor, a TV ad/Print ad model, and a staple in Philippine Cinema if they need someone who looks like him either in saintly or villainy ways...a senior citizen), and I sort of got interested in him, but the trouble was, he's just separated from his wife.  I told myself if ever I would go that way, then I would've chosen someone else. Someone who, during THAT TIME(when that actor etc. was interested in me), had strong feelings for me, and I was enjoying the attention.   Well, I do not judge my friends and relatives who chose/choose that way.  It's just not the path I choose to tread.  

Anyways, that was nothing.  It was just interest, and it was neither a crush from my side nor his.  He probably likes her too, so...

The time we spent together that last day was glorious.  It was when I was on my way to the Ayala Center Makati when buckets of ice were over my head.  There were no vehicles available(No Grab, no Uber even) so I decided to walk.  I was shivering, even if the buckets of ice were imaginary.  I didn't even notice I was already in Guadalupe(Tulay), and thankfully I saw a bus that literally flashed AYALA(I came from Robinsons Galleria), rode it, then went down somewhere in Ayala, then went to Greenbelt 3 to wait for my little sister, Jinkee.

I freshened up, but before that, I saw myself in the mirror.  I look flustered and flabbergasted at the same time.

After freshening up I told Jinkee I was at Starbucks enjoying my favourite Caramel Macchiato along with a pastry. When she arrived I don't remember if I cried or not, but I told her what happened, including the info about the handsome Senior Citizen actor/model/radio talent.

Before our glorious day happened I was intending to bring Jinkee along because I thought they would hit it off.  Unfortunately, Jinkee wasn't welcome.  Thankfully, she had a meeting in Greenbelt, so I decided just to let them meet each other after our day together, but unfortunately there wasn't a cab anywhere around, and as I've mentioned before, even Grab and Uber weren't available, so I told her I'll just go alone.  She decided to go back to a very wholesome place where...oops, even if I'm not mentioning her name, if I describe it, someone might know it's her, so I'll just shut up about that because she doesn't want others to know she goes there, even if there's nothing criminal going on in that place.

So I told Jinkee how I felt.  I think I used the phrase "splashed cold water on my face", and not buckets of ice over me, but she got it. 

When I could breathe easily already(due to whatever I was feeling, and my looooooooooong walk), dad called me up and asked if we were still in Makati.  His meeting in one of the Japanese Restaurants in a Five Star Hotel just ended.  I said yes.  

During that time Jinkee and I were still neighbours, so we were very grateful that we didn't need to fall in line at the shuttle terminal to get a ride home.  A few minutes later Dada arrived, and I was just glad to go home.

Dada fetching us wasn't expected, but my telling him where I was going to be at a certain time made him think of calling me up. It's providential as providential could be.  It was also VERY significant.

Here's a backstory:  I met her in 1988 then I saw her again during my cousin's class somewhere in Q.C. where we had vision boards, etc.  I also saw her again at the CCP where she was talking with my voice teacher at the uni, and she gave me one of the most genuine smiles ever.

Years later, in 2010, I mistook her for my voice teacher when she was making a comment on a mutual friend's post, so I added her up telling her I was her student at the uni.  Then later on we realised I was mistaken.  Why would I make a mistake like that if we weren't meant to be close?

In 2010 I was having a spiritual battle.  It actually started early 2008, or probably even earlier, but it was the strongest in 2010.

I was questioning my beliefs back then, so when I started to be close to her, I was like an empty vessel waiting to be filled.  

During that time we were close, to balance my beliefs and my confusion, I was in constant communication with Kuya Ed Villacorte who was training me to be a Prayer Leader in Praise and Worship et cetera.  We were helping each other then.  I edited two of his books, but I was not mentioned, but I guess God wanted it that way.  At first I felt bad because I wanted to be acknowledged, but after some introspection, I realised what I knew all along, God deserves all the glory.

Anyways, we continued being friends, I even told her about Scarab 1, and that alternative medicine doctor I almost fell for, but he was already seeing someone else(I don't care if he reads this.  What's done is done!).  What do I get myself into???? If she really loved me during that time, whatever I shared with her should be kept secret, because I would keep to myself until I die the things she told me.  Not even Eise knows those things she told me.  What's between us, is between us.

Everything was going well until one night, while I was having a great time with PILE plus Pielle (We watched John Carter and ate at a now closed restaurant in ATC), she called because she wanted me to call Chow King to order for her because her landline wasn't working...something like that.  I told her I was out with my friends. "Are they your choir mates?"  "Before they were...I'm in a different choir now..." She said some things that freaked me out so I failed to mention to her that a certain travel magazine had an event at a Five Star Hotel where a mutual acquaintance was going to perform the following evening.  I went to that event with my dad.  My friends from Virtual Tourist Philippines were also there.  I sat in between my dad, and one of my VT sisters.  She saw me, waved, approached us, made my friend move, she removed her scrunchie, shook her damp hair at my friend, Babes, who became so frazzled, and then she made Babes feel unwelcome.  She might not remember it happened, but I remember it well.  It was days before my birthday, and a couple of months before RJ crossed over.

Dad, upon learning she's the sister of a friend based in France, kissed her hand.  That was nothing to my dad.  She felt violated.  My dad was appalled with what she said, and since she also kind of terrorised Babes, we let that Babes ride with us.  Before bringing her home, we went to Marriott to watch my niece, Sunshine(née Gutierrez), and her then fiancé now husband, Sonny Teodoro.  We had simple, but proper meals there, then we brought Babes home.

Dad, Sonny, Sunshine, yours truly, and Babes

It took a while before we saw each other again(days before the incident we went to Antipolo, had a great time there...she also visited RJ in the hospital etc. RJ really liked her.  My friend, Bing Garrido, and I, even donated our artwork for a good cause...because she has a good heart for people who have the same kind of cancer that she had), and we had a fine time.  

There was a hiatus again, then our last day together happened.

I did have some good memories of her, but the real reason why I stayed away was that I was already getting swayed to the other side.  I did not want my Jesus to be just a Bodhisattva. If for me Jesus is not god, then being a Bodhisattva is an honour, but Jesus is my Lord, so it is not OK for me.  I am not trying to insult anyone. 

A (VERY) SHORT PRIMER ON THE HYPOSTATIC UNION(It was written by a family friend, Tito Digoy Fernandez, but I was the one who did the rough translation)

She says she's very accepting of my faith, and she loves Mama Mary and all, but when I was a student of hers she told us not to make the sign of the cross, and me remembering my former belief when I was in another fold, concurred with her.  

Duh?!?  Is that my belief now?  Of course not.  I would spare you the other details.

I will never forget her because she was there for me when I was questioning my faith and I was dealing with a lot of things.   I really felt the love, but it was during that time that I also relived my "occult like" ways...something I already gave up.  If in a worldly way it was nothing, in a Christian way of life it's so wrong.  

I stopped communicating with her, but I did not block her.  I prayed for her to do that instead, so I guess, years later, my prayers were answered.

I have mixed emotions about this.  I miss her so much, and I think I did the right thing, but why do I feel so sad?

OK.  I'll just let her go.  

😂😂😂

Thanks for your time.