Where do we draw the line from being careful and taking a leap of faith?

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To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself. -Søren Kierkegaard

A leap of faith according to Søren Kierkegaard, The Father of Existentialism, involves circularity insofar as the leap is made by faith.  In his book Concluding Unscientific Postscript, he describes the core part of the leap of faith: the leap... Instead, Kierkegaard is in favor of the internal movement of faith.

This may be a shallow blog entry to others compared to the deep philosophical thinking of Kierkegaard, but the things written below are important to me.

In this very dangerous world one has the tendency to be jaded or too careful.  We put a lot of concrete walls around us, making us afraid to let people in.  Issues of trust and not wanting to be hurt anew make us the ones who hurt the people who want us to trust them, or at the very least, get to know them.

Earlier this year I had a very, very harmless crush on a very talented Canadian-American actor.  I followed him and his lovely girlfriend on Instagram.  They are really wonderful people, and they are suited for each other.

I seldom reply when I check the stories of my friends and the celebrities I follow, but recently I sent him short notes.  

A short time later he added me up using his personal account.  I was excited and had fun chatting with him for a short while.  He asked if I have been to the States.  I told him I lived there for a while.  He asked what made me go back to the Philippines, and I said my reason was to be with my family(and I was too young then).  What I wasn't able to tell him was later in life I went on trips/vacations to different States, and I had a chance to work for the this big international outfit, but I had to turn it down because, besides emotional blackmail made by someone I love(my mom who actually did not like me asking one of my aunts for help), a business opportunity for a mini restaurant chain was introduced to me, so my plans of staying in the States for good was quashed. 

I don't know what could have been.  I know I kept blaming others, but I made my choices, so those were my mistakes and not someone else's.

Anyways, as I was so excited in meeting him, I checked the personal account that he used.  It didn't show any sign that he was really the one I was talking to, so I posted that I'm not really gullible, but I'll take a chance.   What if it's really him?  So I said I would take a leap of faith.  

The following day I was blocked.   I wonder if it was only the part where I am not gullible that he read and not the part where I was taking a chance...a leap of faith.

My initial reaction was, "Aha.  So he's really fake.  He knew I was onto him. Good thing I was wary about things."

A while later I thought of sending a message to his verified account.  I made a mistake of clicking block after sending the message asking if he's the one who wrote me because if he didn't then there's a poser out there pretending to be him.  Maybe I double clicked it because IG always asks if we're sure.  I really have no idea what happened.  So I unblocked him, but it turns out I have to follow him again.  So I did.  You know what, after a short while, he blocked me. I guess he felt slighted or something.  Maybe he thought I was nuts to have the gall to unfollow him at the very least...him, a celebrity.

Oh my.  I think I became a bitter pill on his mouth.  Maybe he's thinking, "The nerve of this person!"

Was it his account?  I'll never know now.  If it was his account, all he had to tell me was it was really him or maybe I really hurt his ego or something.  He could have requested a video chat so we could both be sure we were talking to each other.  I don't know how to do that on IG.

Oh well.

I know many people who were duped in the past just like I have been duped in the past.  Besides, after watching Searching(2018) plus so many others like it,  I know it's so easy for people to pose as someone else.  I was just protecting myself.  One more thing, Wikipedia released Fake News sites cloning legitimate websites.

If it were really him, maybe I hurt him or I've irked him.

I'll just let things be.  If we're meant to be friends, we will be.  If not...

There are other things I should focus on anyway.

I'll just start another chapter of my life instead of regretting of losing that chance of being his friend. 

Moving on...