A Fight Within (A Work of Fiction by Lara Mia Veronica)

A FIGHT WITHIN By Lara Mia Veronica

Spring Break 1988

Andre and Jasper were the best of friends from cradle until now that they were thirty-seven years old. They only got separated after Jasper got married then moved to Colorado,  but they kept in touch and even saw each other six years back. Andre needed some peace and quiet, away from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles, so Jasper told him that he was free to use their cabin in the woods. When Andre arrived, he saw Jasper and a beautiful young lady dismount their own horses. The young lady caught Andre's attention. 

Who could she be? Is she Ellen's sister or something? Jasper ran to his best friend and gave him a bear hug.  "You drove? I was wondering when I was going to pick you up at the airport or something." "I just felt like it." "But a van?" Andre just smiled then turned to the young lady that caught his attention. "Who is she? Have I met her before?" 

"That's my Jessie." "Little Jessie? Isn't she just seven years old? That young lady looks like she's at least eighteen." 

"Jessie's thirteen. Don't tell her that.  She's sort of insecure that she developed quite early." Andre nodded.  He didn't know what to say.  

There was dead silence for a few seconds. Andre gulped then said, "Thanks for lending me your cabin in the woods.  I can't concentrate in the big city.  My girlfriend, Nicca, is really giving me a terrible headache." 

"Why don't you just break up with her?" 

"I did.  Several times.  She just couldn't accept it.  She asked me if I was gay.  When I said, 'Of course not!' she said she's going to wait for me."  

Jessie and her mom, Ellen, approached them. Ellen and Andre hugged.  Jessie just smiled at him. How could she only be thirteen?  She's a goddess. Lord, help me. 

"Daddy, could I show uncle Andre our special place?" "He must be tired." "It's OK.  I'm not that tired. Jessie could show me your special place." Jessie got Andre's hand, made him ride a mare, then chose a horse to ride on her own.

The place was filled with lush greens and the running waters were clear as crystal even if there were still some ice that have not melted that look like islets.  As the sunlight kissed the water, it sparkled. There were also different flora and fauna all around. Andre had to fight all the demons inside him because the place Jessie brought him was glorious and everything inside him wanted to possess the young and innocent...child.  She's a child, Andre.  Your best friend's baby.   "Isn't it beautiful here, Uncle Andre?" "Yes, Jessie...very beautiful."

Mid-Summer 1990

Andre made Jessie his muse.  He dedicated all his work to her and was able to produce nine works of fiction, three self-help books and three cook books. Cook books?  Yes.  He couldn't believe it himself.  While walking around the ranch and the woods, he was able to gather ingredients to vanquish all the lustful thoughts he was having.  He also became a better photographer, using his Canon EOS 700.  This made him a tad proud. He just clicked and clicked away.  Jasper allowed him to have his very own dark room and he made sure no one else could enter it because most of the pictures there were stolen shots of Jessie.    Lately, those lustful thoughts transcended into care, then little by little, he grew in love with her.  He knew in his heart that he wanted to take care of her and he already had visions of the future of having her as his wife one day. One time, as he was busy typing some revisions of one of his books in the wee hours of the morning, he heard strange noises.  At first they were faint, then later they were louder.  He also smelled smoke. 

He went out the cabin and saw from afar that the ranch was on fire.  The fire has not reached the woods yet, thank goodness, but the animals were going in different directions.  Andre ran with all his might.  He found Jessie shaking as she was calling for her parents.  "Uncle Andre, please help my mom and dad...they are trapped in their room..." As Andre approached the room, the house collapsed. The fire men arrived a little too late.  The living quarters of the people who worked for them were burnt to a crisp.  

Andre hugged Jessie tightly. 

"Uncle Andre, what will I do?" 

"Don't worry, Jessie, I will take care of you." 

They never found out what caused the fire, but after the funeral of Jasper, Ellen and their workers, Jessie opted to sell all the animals, the land, the vehicles and the log cabin, which of course included the dark room(Andre boxed and sealed everything).  After the last will and testament was read, Jessie chose Andre to be her guardian and to live with him in Beverly Hills.  She also told her lawyers to give tokens to the next of kin of their workers. Andre accepted the role as a guardian, but because of his non-parental feelings, he did not adopt her. 

Mid-August 1990

The trip was long and tedious.  They only had bathroom breaks and got their meals via drive-thru. Jessie was trying to be strong, but he knew she was just suppressing her tears. Andre's household was expecting him to come, but they were surprised to see Jessie.  

Since Jessie decided to wear her mom's ring, the servants thought she was his wife. 

"No, I did not get married, Edward," Andre told his butler.  "This is Jessie, my...niece." 

"Miss Elaine's daughter?" 

"My sister died a virgin, Edward...at least, that's what I know." 

"Oh..." 

"She's the daughter of my best friend who just..." 

Jessie was a bit irritated. "I'm pleased to meet you, Edward and everybody else, but I'm very tired...please, kindly show me my room." 

"Sorry, Miss Jessie....do I bring her to the guest room, sir?" 

"Yes." "This way, Miss Jessie..." 

Andre watched Edward assist his beloved Jessie. The rest of the servants understood somehow what he was feeling, but decided to keep quiet.  

**********

Andre's literary agent was impressed.  He was not just a prolific writer, but the quality of all his work was extraordinary.

"These are all wonderful, Andre."

"Thank you."

"When will I meet this Jessica Ann Miller? Do I hear wedding bells? Have you finally broken up with that crazy woman who is fatally attracted to you?"

Andre gulped his saliva three times.

"No, Nicca and I haven't broken up.  I was lucky because she gave me space and didn't visit me there, but she regularly checked up on me.  I blame technology!"

"So what's your plan about Jessica?"

"I don't know.  She might not even have me...plus she's way too young."

"What do you mean? Just how young is she?"

"Almost sixteen, but she's very bright.  She skipped two grades and graduated class valedictorian.  She was supposed to go to Brown University, but opted to go to UCLA when she officially chose me as her guardian.  She has read all my novels and the rest of my work, but she is clueless about who my muse is."

"Have you..."

"Of course not.  She trusts me...I'm her Uncle Andre."

James, the literary agent smiled.  He stared at his friend/client.  It was obvious that it was not mere infatuation that he was feeling with the young girl and neither was it lust.  

"You're definitely in love with her. Wait for her to grow up a little more.  Patience, Andre, is the name of the game...even if I know that you are not playing."

"I guess you're right."

"What I'm sure of is that all of these books would sell like hotcakes...are you going back to the corporate world soon?"

"Never left.  I was in touch with them because of..."

"Technology!"

They both laughed.

**********

Nicca was pacing in Andre's living room.  Edward and the maids were snickering in one corner, but she was oblivious to their actions and what they were snickering about.  A little while later, Andre and Jessie arrived from Disneyland.  Andre was carrying a giant Pooh bear and Jessie had bags of different Disney items, souvenir shirts and the like.  Nicca looked at Jessie from head to foot.  

Jessie smiled at her.

"Oh...you must be Aunt Nicca.  Uncle Andre has told me a lot about you.  You are very beautiful."

Nicca's expression softened.

"I'd leave you two love birds alone.  I'm bushed!"

As soon as Jessie claimed she was bushed, Edward got the giant stuffed animal from Andre and the maids assisted Jessie with her stuff.

Andre stared until they were gone from sight.  Nicca noticed the way he looked at Jessie and figured that Andre never looked at her that way.  She decided to pretend that she had no idea.  She wrapped Andre in a warm embrace and started kissing him. Andre tried to kiss her back, because he thought it was what he was supposed to do as her boyfriend. 

"I missed you, Andre...let's make love tonight."

Andre pushed her.

"You're in love with her, but she doesn't know it!"

Andre nodded.

"This really hurts...I wish you were just gay."

She pulled him close and gave him a wet kiss, then pushed him.

"I'm cursing you.  She would never love you!"

The curse backfired somehow.  Jessie was really tired and was deep asleep.  It was not a dreamless one.  She dreamed of places that they haven't been together and of the times she spent with Andre in the ranch and their first time at their special place.  She and Andre were riding the same horses they rode that day.  Andre dismounted first, then carried her down, then kissed her...that was when she woke up confused. She got Winnie the Pooh and embraced it.

September 1990

On the day of her sixteenth birthday Jessie woke up happy.  For the past couple of years, Andre had a special surprise for her, so she wondered what it could be this time.

She was singing a happy tune on her way to the patio where they usually have breakfast, but Andre was nowhere.

"Where's Uncle Andre?" Jessie asked as she sat down.

"He left early because he said he had a lot of catching up to do." Jessie was sad. He didn't even cook for me.

Edward noticed Jessie's demeanor then somehow understood when he saw her birthstone brooch.

"Are you turning eighteen this month, Miss Jessie?"

"It's my sixteenth birthday today, Edward.  Uncle Andre forgot..." Edward meant to greet her, but was so shocked that she was just sixteen.

"Sixteen? But aren't you going to be a freshman soon at..."

"I skipped two grades."

"Oh..."

"Happy birthday to me."

"Sorry Miss Jessie...yes...happy birthday to you...What do you want to do today?"

"I want to shop for clothes for school."

"Gina can bring you to Rodeo Drive...'

With a sad face, Jessie nodded then slowly tried to eat her breakfast.

*****

Jessie and Gina, her personal assistant assigned to her by Andre, shopped their hearts out.  When it was late, Gina told Jessie that she was going to get something from her former client's penthouse.  Jessie said, OK, but she wanted to stay in the car.  The chauffeur said he needed to go to the men's room and it was safer to go down with Gina.  

When they reached the top floor, Jessie was amazed to see it was decorated with lots of roses, lilies and tulips.  All of her favorite flowers.  Jessie sneezes a lot when she is near other types of flowers, but these made her smile.  Of course she was glad that Andre took note of that.  

There was a string quartet playing her favorite Broadway songs.  The lights were dim, but there was a small disco ball giving the place nicer lighting.  

Her favorite Kobe beef and Oysters Florentine were served.  There were green tea macarons and green tea cakes for dessert. A green power drink was in a decanter and there were two champagne glasses beside it.  She knew Andre prepared, cooked, baked and concocted everything himself.   A few moments later while she was drinking the delicious green concoction, Andre arrived, smiling at her, with a perfect cut Hawaiian Blue Diamond necklace from De Beers.  He motioned to ask her if he could put the necklace on her.  She nodded with a smile.

"This is my happiest birthday ever, Uncle Andre!"

Andre took her hand and danced with her.  They could have danced until the morning light, but Andre had to stop at midnight because he didn't want to do what was on his mind and in his heart.

*****

On Christmas day of the same year, Jessie introduced her friends from the university to Andre.  He noticed that she was particularly close to Aidan.  Aidan looked at least twenty.  Yes, too old for a sixteen-year-old young lady, but who was he to tell her that?  He was forty, for heaven's sake.

When her friends were about to leave, he saw Jessie and Aidan kissing.  This hurt him so, but he felt he did not have the right to stop them.

Andre buried himself in work and as the years passed, Jessie and Aidan became closer than ever. There were times he wondered if they already knew each other the Biblical way, but since Jessie was over eighteen now and was graduating from College really soon, he felt he didn't have any right to meddle with her affairs. Her happiest birthday ever was never topped.  Aidan took over planning for her birthdays and other important occasions of her life.  Andre was left on the sidelines, but his love for her never subsided.

Christmas season 1993

One day, Andre saw Aidan in a Van Cleef & Arpels store.  He was buying something for Jessie.  Andre was there for the same reason. 
 

"Oh, hi Andre."

"Good day, Aidan. How's work?"

"Good.  Everything's good."

"How are you and Jessie? Any plans of getting married?"

"Married? She doesn't even want to make our relationship official and we've been exclusively dating for almost four Christmases now."

"But she only plays music for you..."

"It's because you're always busy."

"What do I have anything to do with it?"

"Chill! I was just saying that she doesn't play the violin or any musical instrument for you because you are too busy with work.  You don't have to be worked up for that alone.  There's something in the way you said that she only plays music for me.  Do you have a thing for Jessie?  Jessie said she does not see your girlfriend, Nicca, anymore."

Andre did not answer.   He just shopped for himself.

******

That evening, Aidan and Jessie were relaxing in a Jacuzzi at Aidan's place while drinking some cocktails.

"I'm telling you, Jessie.  Andre has a thing for you."

"There was a time when he said he loved me, but he added, 'as my own child'."

"What did you feel when you thought he loved you?"

Instead of answering, Jessie started kissing Aidan torridly, which heightened Aidan's emotions.  Aidan pushed her.

"Don't start what you couldn't finish, Jessie.  Don't abuse your knowing that 'I wouldn't force you to do anything you don't want to do'.  I am only human and I have been waiting for you to give in for the longest time."

"I'm sorry, Aidan."

"Only do that to me again when you are ripe and ready."

Jessie did not answer.  Her thoughts flew to where Andre was.

*****

Jessie arrived at Andre's place while her hair was still wet and wild.  Andre was having his dinner.

"Hi, Uncle Andre.  Isn't it too late to have dinner?"

"I...I was sort of waiting for you."

He saw Jessie's look.  In his mind, Aidan already made love to her several times.

What's one more time? 

"A penny for your thoughts, Uncle Andre?"

"Nothing.  I was just thinking of work, my dear."

******

Jessie and her best friends, Debbie and Diana, went inside a Barnes & Noble branch one morning. "I don't know what to give him..."

"Who?" Debbie and Diana chorused. 

"Uncle Andre..." then saw a stack of Andre's books on display.

"Your uncle's books have been reprinted several times already.  How come you never buy them?"

"I have the originals with me.  Why should I buy them?  You buy them."

"But I already read your copies," said Diana.

"Me too!"

One of their professors entered the bookstore and waved at them. They greeted him back in a chorus.  After a few pleasantries, he got one of Andre's books.  

"Jessie, isn't your name Jessica Ann Miller too?"

"Yes, sir, but what do you mean by 'too'?"

"I've been buying his books for years now and said to myself when I met you last year that this couldn't be you because you are going out with Aidan, and this guy, though he doesn't really look old in his pictures, is my age, according to the one who wrote the blurb."

"May I?"

Jessie got the book from her professor after he nodded. She saw her name and, "With all my love..."  printed before the title sheet.

She excused herself and looked at the other books.

By this time, Diana and Debbie told their professor that Andre is Jessie's guardian, but since she's almost twenty she could be emancipated from him any time.

"He's in love with me...why didn't he tell me?"

"Maybe it's because you look up to him like a father," said their professor  

*****

When Andre went home that night, he saw the diamond necklace on top of his bed(he wondered why because he did not know that it reminded her of her happiest birthday ever), a Christmas gift and a letter from Jessie saying that she was moving out.  She was over eighteen and she did not need a guardian anymore.  

This made him cry.  

"I guess she's moving in with Aidan..."

*****

It wasn't true that Jessie moved in with Aidan, but she did make love to him that very night.  Aidan finished an hour, more or less,  after Jessie did.  Aidan kissed Jessie on the forehead and thanked her.  It was the first time he noticed that she was not smiling.

"Jessie...wasn't I good? Did I disappoint you?"

"You were good.  Excellent even.  Not that I have anyone to compare you with."

"Then, why..."

Suddenly embarrassed of her nakedness, Jessie grabbed the linen sheet that was on the floor, wrapped herself, then walked to the window.

"I love Andre, Aidan."

"You do? Then why did we..."

"I wasn't sure."

"Now this really makes me feel bad.  You realized it after we made love?"

"Please...don't be too hard on yourself.  I have been dreaming of this since I met you.  You did not disappoint me at all. It's just that..."

"You've been in love with him before you even met me, but you thought he just loved you like a daughter?"

"You know me too well."

They hugged each other tightly.

******

Jessie went to St. Denis the morning after, a Church near the apartment she got for herself.  She prayed hard, then went for counseling.

She did not run to Andre at once.  Instead, she did a lot of charity work and after the holiday season, she focused on her studies.

When it was time for her graduation in 1994, she sent him an invite with this note:

"Accolades and medals would be worth nothing if you won't be there with me, Andre.  Love, Jessie."

With that, Andre smiled and prepared to meet his future wife. 

THE END 

©Lara Mia Veronica M. Garcia 1995 

"This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental."